2010

1. Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action. (Benjamin Disraeli)
2. Those who live in glass houses should refrain from building rock gardens in their front yards.
3. You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. (Frank Zappa)
4. All right brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. (Homer Simpson)
5. Don't let the doorknob hit you where the dog should have bit you. (Michael Wilbon)
6. If you don't like the drumbeat here, you can always look for a different band to march with! (apologies to Henry David Thoreau )
7. Many have a reputation that precedes them, but only a few of them have a reputation that succeeds them.

1. Y2K was a wimp.

1. To think "out of the box," one has to able to first ascertain what is in the
   box.
2. Never start a presentation with the numbers!
3. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
4. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
5. Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don't have any
   film.
6. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
7. People lost in thought may be in unfamiliar territory.
8. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
9. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
10. Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appear
    bright until you hear them speak.
11. Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off now.
12. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
13. Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.
14. Networking 101... Nothing in life or networks is ever 100% available...no
    matter how much you pay for it.

1. As you near the end of a long and somewhat mediocre career, you begin to
   realize that mediocrity is not all that bad.
2. In the 1960's, it was "Where Have all the Flowers Gone?"  Now its
   "Where Have all the Dot.Coms Gone?"
3. There is no subsititute for common sense.
4. Some call a spade a spade; some call a spade a shovel.
5. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
6. Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
7. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
   something.
8. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
9. OK, what's the speed of dark?
10. Half the people you know are below average.
11. What do you do when you find out all your silver bullets are tarnished?
12. Is it really a compliment to be told you are "as sharp as a marble?"
13. If you need a helping hand, use the one at the end of your own arm.
14. Work expands to fit the size of your cubical.

1. If you can't stand the heat, don't start a fire.
2. The wealthy are all one color...Green!
3. If you understand everything, you must be misinformed.
4. Be a Loof...the world already has too many Lerts!
5. Many are callled, few are chosen, fewer still get to do the choosing.

1. Politicians call it "Outsourcing;" guess it doesn't sound as ominous as
   "Off-Shoring."
2. You're just a lost ball in the high weeds. (from the movie "Bad Day at Black Rock")

1. Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
2. Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. O'brien's Variation Law: If you change lines, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
4. Bell's Theorem: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
5. Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
6. Willoughby's Law: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
7. Zadra's Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
8. Breda's Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
9. Colpermin's Law: Body will release gas from the back end, only the when the elevator is crowded and everybody is absolutely silent.
10. There are 10 types of people in this world.  Those that understand binary and those that don't.
11. The grass may be greener on the other side...but you still have to mow it.

1. You can't have everything.  Where would you put it?
2. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
3. A fine is a tax for doing wrong.  A tax is a fine for doing well.
4. When you go into court, you are putting yourself In the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
5. Great minds think alike...and as one comes to realize over the years, so do small ones.
6. Too bad you have to go to the great beyond to find out whether your religion was the right one.
7. Healing takes time, but you can rip a scab off in seconds.
8. Evil is everywhere - including right inside of all of us.
9. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

1. Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.

1. The bigger the lie, the more they believe. (HBO Series The Wire - Season 5, Episode 1)
2. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
3. The average dog is nicer than the average person. (Andy Rooney)
4. It isn't the rebels who cause the troubles of the world.  It's the troubles that cause the rebels.(Carl Oglesby)
5. It is no longer politically correct to refer to lipstick and pigs in the same sentence.  I wonder if the same holds true for lip gloss and pigs?
6. Cost of Living Now Outweighs Benefits (from the Onion as quoted in Washington Post Magazine, 16 November 2008).

1. Beer, it’s the best damn drink in the world. (Jack Nicholson)
2. Many things are trivial if someone else does them. (Earl Miles, aka merlinofchaos)
3. We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe... (Stephen Hawking)
4. I just had a baby.  It would be like throwing a hot-dog down a hallway. (Nancy Botwin, character on Weeds, Season 5, Episode 10)

1. Stupidity is inversely proportional to one's distance from its source.
2. When the Chief Technologist resigns, there is no longer a need for donuts at the weekly staff meeting.
3. When all is said and done, there are some who feel obligated to say it once again.
4. If you have an idea, tell someone before it dies of loneliness.
5. Just when you think a model is working, someone who has never used the model decides it will never work and must be fixed.

1983 and before